nothing clever at the moment

oh yeah 30 °F and some mild spitting of something or other from the sky. every time we have a little thaw (and there have been many this january) and it gets cold again, that is below freezing, i get this feeling it's autumn again. very confusing.

yesterday there was a post on the infiltration forums about a girl falling to her death from a grain elevator in minnesota. tragic, to be sure, but someone also posted a link to her myspace page and it just took me out for a while. how do people get this way? i felt so sorry for her parents, for their loss, which i can barely imagine, and for her mom saying to the newspaper "She was a fun, well-rounded, emotionally sound, fun kid." was she aware of her daughter's web presence? maybe it's just a kind of show-boating nihilism, but really, i don't get it. i think that. except for the most pathological of liars, even the poses we strike reveal some indelible truth. so where did her fall begin, pardon the unfortunate metaphor?

i think about this a lot because i have a teenage son who, for the time being at least, is wonderful and smart and engaged and in no apparent danger of falling from anywhere (to be honest, it is his interest in urban exploration as a hobby that had me reading the infiltration fora in the first place). last saturday we spent much of the day at the solo and ensemble festival for high school bands. i never did anything like that when i was in high school; i was simply a bebop outlaw, although i got some encouragement in my junior and senior years. but he has been taking lessons, working on classical studies right alongside the concert band stuff, and listening to ben folds and xtc and nwa and john coltrane and all those other things i keep around the house, and he did very well on his solo piece, and his saxophone trio piece. whether he goes on to be a music major in college i can't really say, nor do i have any expectations or desires either way; it was simply an indescribable pleasure to see him so engaged, and involved, and thoroughly enjoying something that required no posing whatsoever.

i hope we can keep this going.

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